three-hundred-thousand hour service

Hi everybody.  Went to the state fair tonight with the family.

It was kids get in free and everyone rides for a dollar night so the place was… crowded.  I ate a “western sausage” (whatever that is) which had to be two feet long.  It really wasn’t that good, but there’s something fun about fair-food.  And while I’m sort of sad that we didn’t really get to sample any of the fried novelties (Oreos, artichoke, pickles, etc.), I suppose my heart and waist and whatever else is better off for it.  Speaking of health in general, I cracked the User Manual my parents passed onto me when I turned eighteen for the first time in years today.  Since I have a milestone coming up I wanted to see what the accompanying recommended servicing included.  What I found:

At the 300,000 hour mark, the manufacturer recommends the following servicing:


  • Schedule “routine” dental cleaning (because you missed the last two and it’s been over a year).
  • Statistical note: One cavity (the first since the 150,000 hour mark) will likely be found.  If this should be the case, the tooth shall be filled next Tuesday.


  • Call primary physician to inquire about “permanent” birth control via vasectomy.
  • Schedule vasectomy and throw away the last of your prophylactics.
  • Statistical note: Primary physician will require a physical before referring you to a urologist.  They will claim this is because you have not been in for two plus years, really it is so they can collect a $10 co-pay and their insurance billings.


  • Restart the previously abandoned “Program Cardio.”  Mandated gym usage.
  • Eat nothing bigger than your first.  Do this no more than three times per day.
  • Statistical note: At 300,000 hours there is a 75% chance your first-size will disqualify the Double-Double animal style.

I guess it’s time to get on all that, then.  I’m not happy with the pounds I put on during (and prior to, really) the RV trip – so those’ll have to come off at some point.  But you know if I had some fried butter in front of me I just might have to try it.  Yeah, they really have fried butter.  No, for real.

Goodnight friends.

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