Hi everybody. Went to the state fair tonight with the family.
It was kids get in free and everyone rides for a dollar night so the place was… crowded. I ate a “western sausage” (whatever that is) which had to be two feet long. It really wasn’t that good, but there’s something fun about fair-food. And while I’m sort of sad that we didn’t really get to sample any of the fried novelties (Oreos, artichoke, pickles, etc.), I suppose my heart and waist and whatever else is better off for it. Speaking of health in general, I cracked the User Manual my parents passed onto me when I turned eighteen for the first time in years today. Since I have a milestone coming up I wanted to see what the accompanying recommended servicing included. What I found:
At the 300,000 hour mark, the manufacturer recommends the following servicing:
- Schedule “routine” dental cleaning (because you missed the last two and it’s been over a year).
- Statistical note: One cavity (the first since the 150,000 hour mark) will likely be found. If this should be the case, the tooth shall be filled next Tuesday.
- Call primary physician to inquire about “permanent” birth control via vasectomy.
- Schedule vasectomy and throw away the last of your prophylactics.
- Statistical note: Primary physician will require a physical before referring you to a urologist. They will claim this is because you have not been in for two plus years, really it is so they can collect a $10 co-pay and their insurance billings.
- Restart the previously abandoned “Program Cardio.” Mandated gym usage.
- Eat nothing bigger than your first. Do this no more than three times per day.
- Statistical note: At 300,000 hours there is a 75% chance your first-size will disqualify the Double-Double animal style.
I guess it’s time to get on all that, then. I’m not happy with the pounds I put on during (and prior to, really) the RV trip – so those’ll have to come off at some point. But you know if I had some fried butter in front of me I just might have to try it. Yeah, they really have fried butter. No, for real.