I was thinking of all the jobs I can’t do anymore now that I have my new disease. Can’t be the coach of a Super Bowl winning football team, I couldn’t survive the traditional Gatorade and ice dousing. Can’t be a SCUBA diver or ice fisherman. Can’t be a ski instructor or pro wakeboarder. Can’t be a Shamu-rider at Sea World, or a chainsaw-wielding ice sculptor. Can’t be Santa Claus, can’t be a meat packer. Bummer. Good thing I’m a computer engineer who gets to sit in a climate-controlled cubicle all day. The worst I have to worry about is hemorrhoids or maybe some kind of “repetitive stress injury.” I knew I went to school for something other than a lifetime-long school loan repayment plan.
So I’m gonna keep talking about this thing because it’s what’s on my mind of late. I was reading online that cold-induced urticaria can come up at any time, and last either: a) forever, or b) one to five years. Gimme a #2 and that scantron… I’m clearly and neatly bubbling in ‘b’ on this one. For real though, one to five years? I wonder what deity I angered to be cursed with this? Not only is it an extremely crappy ailment, it comes off as very dubious to the uninitiated. Like when everyone is like, “Come on y’allz, let’s swing off this kickass ropeswing into the lake!” And everyone is like, “Heck yeah, that ropeswing looks so fun and awesome!” Then Dave goes, “You guys go ahead, I’ll just stay on the shore – I’m allergic to cold water.” “Yeah right,” says everyone, “You’re just too chicken to do the ropeswing so you made up a fake disease!” “No, for real guys, it’s called cold-induced urticaria,” I reply. “Sounds more like cold-induced chicken-caria to us, bawk bawk!” comes the chorus. Sigh… woe is me.
While telling everyone about it at work, the question that comes up most is “Is this very common?” Which, I’m pretty sure, is a polite way to ask if it’s real or if it’s just something in my head. Either way, that got me thinking… how can I make some money off my new sickness? Maybe I could start a webpage that would be like a cold-induced urticaria support group. Then I could charge money or something. You know, cold-induced urticarians unite! Power to the people and all that crap. Maybe now that a person of such high profile, such as myself, has this disease, it will raise awareness of the tens of others who are suffering this very minute.
On the music-tip, I’ve had my MP3 IV set on a full drip of the Killers’ LP “Hot Fuss” for about a week now. The more I listen to it, the more I like it. From front to back it’s got some great tunes, even if they are in that becoming-ever-more-popular Hot Hot Heat/Franz Ferdinand vein. I don’t care, I’ve come to realize that, with the sudden increase in popularity of good music, I’m gonna have to be OK with sometimes finding new choons from the MTV or even a Toyota commercial. It’s cool, I’m cool with that. So yes, it was me you spotted driving around town with several lengths of 20ft schedule 40 PVC hanging out either end of a green Ford Explorer, listening to the Killers’ track “On Top” at a heinously ear-ruining volume. I don’t even care, that song kicks major butt… I’ll listen to it non-stop if I want to… so shut up. You’ll still not catch me with the Justin Tenderlegs or Ursher or anything featuring Lil’ John coming from my Alpine.
Time to go practice for my presentations tomorrow, nothing like being last minute. Dave out.
Also written on this day...
- digging out & digging in - 2010
- a fitting homage - 2009
- like a switch flipped - 2008
- the older, balding set - 2006
- there is not nobody out there can play like metallica - 2005