at least this one thing


Wednesday night. I had Keaton tonight and we went downtown together. It was awesome. I love getting me-and-Keaton time. I don’t have much today, but I wanted to at least do this one thing.

Sometimes when I drive, I daydream about being in a car wreck. I often think about wrecking when on the phone with Sharaun, or vice versa when talking to her as she’s driving. There’s just this awful imaginary scenario in my head where I can hear, or Sharaun can hear, the sonic version of the crash. The screeching tires, shattering glass, screaming and crying and metal scraping. I don’t know, it’s like a scene from a movie in my head – holding the phone to my ear with my mouth agape. Calling out her name into the phone awaiting an answer. Ick.

Today at lunch, I started had to brake hard to react to slowing traffic. That got me thinking about experiencing an airbag deployment, which made me think about the sunglasses I was wearing and what would happen to them when an airbag smashed into my face. In my head, the cheap frames shattered and pierced my open eyes, leaving me completely blind but otherwise OK. Of course, that got me thinking about being blind – and how incredibly much I’d miss seeing Keaton’s little smiles. It almost brought tears to my eyes to try and imagine not being able to watch her change as she grows up, to just have her frozen in my head at fourteen months.

Good thing none of those things actually happened. Goodnight.


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