an undirected movement outward

I said I didn’t know what to expect after we’d past the final artificial “milestone” in our trip, the last checkmark my mind arbitrarily created so I could envision things divided into measurable segments with starts and ends.

We’ve past it now (it was “get to Florida for the holidays”), though it took time, and I’m surprised at my own thinking in response.

It’s a pleasant drifting feeling; unmoored, but in an empowered as opposed to helpless way. An expanding, an undirected movement outward, not linear along a path but spherical growth, a comfortable filling of new spaces as they becomes available. I think it’s what I was playing at this whole time: nowhere to go and no time to be there, infinite time to change plans and improvise, but without the nagging worry of execution to some imagined “schedule.”

I didn’t know if I’d ever really get here, but is this what you free people feel all the time? Always 100% open to the, “Let’s stop here and check it out!,” suggestions? Never not game to stay another day or change plans on a dime? Amazing. I hope it continues to mature, that I allow it to build and flourish.

Could it really have taken almost five months for this neural deprogramming?


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