Just grant me this..

Welcome to 2009, readers.

New Years Eve day was another (nice!) slow one around the homestead.  Sharaun and I cleaned up a little more of the leftover Christmas mess (and foodstuffs lingering in the fridge, in my case).  Keaton got a deluxe edition DVD of Mary Poppins from our next-door neighbors, and, surprisingly, ate up the film (all that singing and dancing, she’s just a sucker for it); so we watched that in the morning.  The place was looking tip-top (as tip-top as our place tends to realistically get) long before noon.  And yes, I am shooting for most use of parenthetical notation in a single paragraph (get it?).

Right now I feel like I haven’t been to work in ages.  Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised to see my shoulders visibly sag were I looking in the mirror as the thought of going back this coming Monday enters my head.  To be clear, it’s not that I’m dreading it, but it seems I’ve been taken by the strangest “bug” lately… this insanely strong inclination to cling to family.

Thus the time spent here at home with Keaton and Sharaun, the week my folks visited over Christmas, and even going back to the nice long jaunt we took to Florida to visit Sharaun’s family back around Thanksgiving: All these things have created a snowball of emotion inside me… an almost physical urge to “family up.”

And, to mention this new desire within me without also mentioning my newfound desire to better integrate “church” (used here, I think, as a generic word for religion, introspect, tradition, spirituality, closeness, etc.) into my family would be impossible (the expressed concept of “ownership” of what is truly our family is actually intentional here). I know that may sound odd, or maybe random and untied to the whole “family” concept I mention above… but in my head lately they are tied so tightly together that I have to finish the thought here.

I’ve typed and typed (and deleted and deleted) about this family/church concept over the past couple weeks, but find I’m still not ready to put what I’m talking about into words… so I’m going to leave it (for now) with this (admittedly lacking) summary: At some point recently, I’ve “decided” that the things which are most important in life are those which, as a father and husband, I should be working to surround myself and my immediate family (Sharaun and Keaton) with.  Chief among those things, I’ve decided, are our relationships with extended family and our sense of “church.”

Right now, I can’t explain why this doesn’t mean we’re going ultra-religious (or scary-religious, however it strikes you), but it doesn’t.  It may read that way (so be it).  I think, basically, it means I want to spend more time with my family as a family, connected spiritually together through a common set of belief and faith (if that makes sense).  And, among other traditions and experiences, I want us to, together, enjoy and share this “church” thing I’m on about.

What it means… practically… I’m not 100% sure.  And, it may not even be blog stuff (there’s plenty of stuff that doesn’t make the blog, and it tends to be the more personal… so this might qualify for that exclusion… who knows).  I do feel better, however, for writing about it finally… and while the explanation is poor (by my own judgment), perhaps it’ll help cement, for me, what I’m even feeling – and maybe put some action around the concept.

I don’t know guys, I just don’t.  I do feel, though… so that’s something.  So hey, don’t read this and assume I’m making drastic wholesale changes.  But, then again, I guess don’t assume I’m not.  Realistically, I’m in early concept-phase here… so it’s a wonder I even put this much around the idea.  OK?

To lighten the mood before I go, here’s Keaton and I dancing to “Brothersport.”  (And, for real, you need to get this new Animal Collective album…)


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