toting around a powder keg

Luckily, my customer meeting in the bay ended early enough that I was able to catch an earlier flight home – putting me on the ground and at home with enough daylight left to mow the jungle we call our lawn. Blissfully isolated from the cacophony by virtue of my new headphones, I trudged around in the so-tall-it’s-seeding green stuff, stopping every minute and a half to empty the dang bag. It’s high time I got a new mower… it could make the job so much easier.

Before having a baby, I never realized how self-conscious parents can be. Having one myself now, I can tell you that, for me, at least, toting around my powder keg of a daughter can, at times, be very nerve-wracking. The minute she tears off into a crying fit with people around, I immediately feel eyes on me. Some people, likely parents themselves, flash knowing smiles – but in my over-thinking head those same smiles come with hinted undertones and accusations: why can’t you quiet your baby, why’s your baby always upset, are you not a good parent? I know most of these fears are likely unfounded, but I have them nonetheless. I can actually understand why new parents often end up cloistering themselves with other new parents, as they likely feel none of these “all eyes on me” fears when in similarly self conscious company. May sound odd, but I bet I’m not the only one to have felt this way… am I?

No more writey, sleepy.

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6 Replies to “toting around a powder keg”

  1. No, we really do wonder why you can’t make Keaton stop crying. Our theory was that you are a bad parent . . . but it’s hard to tell when you’re just sitting there drinking beer and Sharaun runs to a back room with the baby. Wait, nevermind.

  2. Ahhhhhh – it’s finaly here! the day every parent lives for when their own child begins to understand what it’s like to be a parent! As wonderful as it is, it definitely sometimes can be isolating – by our own choice – for the very reasons you mention. Enjoy that little girl and let her cry all she wants! I remember once when YOU did that in church of all places – I recall the usher-guy coming up and re-assuring us that it was like hearing music from the angels. HA! Now that you’re all-growed up, yeah – maybe it was kinda like that.

  3. Don’t feel so bad! We had a baby meltdown when I was at Cynthia’s last wednesday. Hmmmmmmmm…maybe its them and not the babies that are the problem!

  4. I’m serious about Cynthia being the problem! Last night both boys were sound asleep and then suddenly Job wakes up screaming his little head off…2 seconds later Cynthia walks through the door…

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