i got blood on my shirt

Screeeech!
Yeah, so I missed a day… I’ve got a serious case of writer’s block going on. Lately when I sit down in front of this page I just can’t seem to get an idea that I feel is worth spending time on. I’ve thought of this and that, and even started a couple paragraphs… but I ultimately give up when I run out of steam. Let’s try and remedy that…

This morning, standing before the mirror preparing myself for work, my growing baldness really struck me. It used to be I could see my thinning crown only when someone showed me a picture they’d taken of me with me head down. Now though, the thinness is spreading, creeping forward like two long fingers, one on the right and one the left. It’s like they’re slowly marching toward my forehead, where, ironically, the hair that was once there seems to be retreating as if to meet it. Now, some people may read this wrong – like it’s something I’m upset about. Not really though, going bald isn’t really a “thing” for me… I don’t really care. It’s just kinda surprising each time you notice you’re not as young as you used to be. I’m not drinking Ensure or holding the handrail for fear of a broken hip yet, but that’s only like fatherhood + one year, right? Ugh.

Changing subjects drastically…

I think I’m only ever truly comfortable with something when I’m so familiar with it I can do it without thinking. Anything less than that, and I’ve got some level of anxiety about it… some notion of “I’m gonna eff this up.” I really do have a problem with anxiety, or impatience… or maybe some kinda of anxious impatience or impatient anxiety. I get so torqued up over the littlest things, and half the time when I realize what’s got me so tense I get mad for letting something so small trouble me. So, once I’ve mastered something and am 100% confident in doing it – I’m truly comfortable with it. That’s the way I am with about 70% of my job now at work. I guess, realistically, 70% is probably good – since you should always be learning if you want to move up and make more cheddar eventually; so the 30% unknown is the still-learning stuff for your “betterment.” Wait, I’ve lost track of my thoughts here and am careening into a ramble… forgive me.

I cannot write, something is wrong. Goodnight.


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3 Replies to “i got blood on my shirt”

  1. Hi Dave

    I understand how you feel regarding self confidence and the doubts you endure in learning new skills. Especially at work where there are certain pressures to get things done on time without messing up. These anxieties, worries and the unnecessary stress can really hold you back from achieving your true potential, not only in your career, but also in life. You’ve mentioned that your hair loss doesn’t bother you at all but you may be interested to know that it’s probably directly linked to what’s going on in your life at the moment.You can easily repair the damage done to your hair and scalp but don’t leave it too long. I’ve recently launched a website which is not only dedicated to beating hair loss naturally,it can also help you get the best out of life.

    Hope this helps

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