mistaken identity I

But I need it to sleep!
The debates were on, I watched them. I will write about them later maybe. Intro paragraph over.

Last night I was up late working on my computer, and late-late, not just late. It was about a quarter ’til two in the morning when I heard my cellphone ring back in the bedroom. As with all unexpected late-night calls, I expected some terrible news – so I went back to grab it. I didn’t recognize the number, so I took the phone out of the room to answer so as to not wake up Sharaun. When I answered, there was a very obviously drunk girl on the other line responding to my “Hello?” with “Who is this?” “Who is this,” I replied, to which she responded, “Who is this?!” We went ’round like this for a bit before I finally asked who she was trying to call, at which point she started sobbing and said “I don’t even know.” “Well,” I said, “What number were you trying to dial? Because I’m pretty sure you got the wrong one.” “I know I got the wrong number!,” she sobbed, “I don’t even know who I’m trying to call.” Being as this whole exchange was hilarious to me, and I had nothing better to do while my RAID array rebuilt, I decided to stay on the phone.

“I lost my cellphone, and I need it back,” said the girl, “I’m so effing drunk.” “Yeah, I can tell, where are you now, are you OK?” “I’m at home,” she said. “Well then, I think the best thing for you to do is drink a lot of water and go to bed, you can find your phone in the morning.” “No! I can’t find it in the morning, you don’t understand! I need it now! I have so many important numbers in there, everyone I know! Who is this?” “This is Dave, remember, you called me by mistake and now you’re talking to me.” “Yeah, hi Dave, nice to meet you. This is Katie, and I can’t find my cellphone, can you help me?” “Wait, Katie from Tahoe Joes Katie?” “No!,” she cried, “Not Katie from Tahoe Joes Katie, Katie who lost her cellphone Katie!” I laughed. “Don’t laugh at me, it’s not funny! Everyone was mean to me tonight. Some guy got so mad at me and took me home, all because I wouldn’t have sex with him. How old are you?” “I’m twenty-seven, you shouldn’t hang out with that guy anymore. Be glad he took you home.” “Twenty-seven! I’m eighteen” “Wait, you’re 18?! Where were you drinking?” “At a friend’s house, I don’t even know where.” “I gotta tell you Katie, being that it’s like 2am and you don’t know who you’re calling or where you were, I don’t think you’re finding this phone tonight. You should just go to bed and find it in the morning.”

“I already told you Dave, I can’t find it in the morning! I have to go to work. Can you drive?” “Umm, yeah, I can drive. Well, what time do you have to be at work?” “Three in the afternoon.” “Three?! You have all morning to find it!” “Nooooo!, I can’t, I need it now… important numbers… everyone was mean… guy yelled at me, etc. Can you come pick me up and help me look for my cellphone?” “I don’t think so Katie, it’s kinda late.” “I live? (here she gave me detailed directions to her address, not far from me).” “Listen Katie, when you wake up in the morning, if you remember that you talked to some random dude last night for like 30min about your cellphone, and then freak out because you think you remember giving him your address – just try to remember him saying, ‘I’m not writing any of this down,’ OK?” She laughed now. So far we’ve been on the phone about a half hour.

“So come over and pick me up and help me find my phone.” “I thought you didn’t know where it was, how many places did you go tonight?” “Two. Two houses and then in that mean guy’s car. He yelled at me because? blah blah.” “I know, I know. Well then, your phone can only be in one of three places, just go look in those places tomorrow.” “I can’t, blah blah.” “Well listen, what kinda phone was it? Nokia? Motorola?” “No, it was a Sanyo.” “Oh, no worries then, you can get a new one for like two bucks at Wal Mart.” She stops sobbing to laugh. “How old are you again?” “I’m still twenty-seven.” “Yeah, I remember you told me that.” “Yes. Yes I did.” “So are you coming to get me?” “Uh, no, probably not.” “I need my phone!!! Why did I drink so much?! Everyone was mean to me, my friends left me!”

Oh man, I talked to this poor girl for like 40min, until 2:30am last night. I ended up calling her cellphone for her on 3-way, and we got her voice mail. We talked about this mean guy who wanted her to “go farther than she wanted to,” and I gave her some 27-year-old-to-18-year-old “fatherly” advice to stay away from such dudes. It was a hilarious conversation.

That’s it, I have no more. Be happy with the story, it’s hard to type all those quotation marks and get a conversation down in writing. Dave out.

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4 Replies to “mistaken identity I”

  1. Don´t you just love phone calls like that? It´s a good thing she called you instead of some perv. I´m sure there´s a lot of dudes that would have gone right over to… um… help her find the phone.

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