I can already see through walls

You have to wonder why the Lord, our God, would make the tissue of the human mouth and throat so much sturdier than that of the anus. I mean, it stands to reason that man will eat things that are at a spice-level which he can handle. Only problem is, what I can safely handle on one end don’t translate too well to what I can handle when it’s headed in the other direction. I loves me some spicy food, the hotter the better, and if you don’t then you’re a pussy. I had these awesomely spicy Chinese noodles for dinner the other night, and I swear I was almost crying on the toilet at work today. First off, I was on the toilet at work, which doesn’t happen unless we have a level-seven or above situation – so that fact alone is telling in the ferocity of this movement. It was one of those sweat and headache inducing ones, where right in the middle of it all – you’re not sure but you think you might puke instead of colon-explode. Anyway, I’m not one to go into gory detail, so I’ll leave you with the generalities lest you are easily grossed out.

I’m trying to write early tonight because I’m dead tired for some reason, I should be ripping CDs right now but I’m not. Sitting here listening to the new Badly Drawn Boy album, trying to make myself like it – and it’s just not happening. I mean, it’s good and all – but it’s nothing compared to his previous efforts (I mean, if you ask me). That kinda disappointed me, but I guess you don’t get what you don’t pay for. And being that I rarely pay for any music these days, my expectations probably shouldn’t be that high. Anyway, there seem to be a few good tracks on here, but nothing to write home about. Write a paragraph on the web about, now that’s a different story. Ugh.

Ben will be here soon and we’ll go running. I don’t want to run tonight, but I will because I’m trying to make my fat go away and get into better shape. So far, I’ve got nothing to show for it but some sore feet and the occasional calf cramp walking up the stairs at work. It’s gotta be much easier to just get signed up to go on Survivor or Pioneer House or something, ’cause running sucks. I see Ben, here he comes, he’s gonna wanna run right now. He’s walking to the door, there’s no escape now. I gotta put on my shoes.

See, on the blog you’d think I was just hitting enter and starting a new paragraph. But in real life, hours have passed, running has been done, and I’m now sitting here wrapping up the evening and listening to some Quicksilver Messenger Service. When I was at my brother’s place last weekend, I was amazed by the amount of crap he and Angela take. She works at GNC, so they’re both total health freaks – and take every kind of supplement known to man. Amino acids, vitamins, proteins, fruit enzymes, you name it and they take it. Although they’re not really into herbs, they do seem to go for any vitamin or supplement that can be extracted/concentrated and squished into pill form. It’s a daily regimen of protein smoothies and upwards of twenty pills – no joke.

The bottle of Jager is on the shirt, not part of the daily routine.

While I was there, Angela managed to sell me on GNC’s Centrum-like multivitamin. It gives me all the “recommended daily value” things I need, and contains some amino acids and stuff that’s not in Centrum – plus (and according to Angela, this is the real plus) it’s time-released. I used to take Centrum, so it’s not that much of a stretch that I’d buy into this vitamin mumbo-jumbo. Anyway, the GNC multivitamin (which, awesomely, is called “Mega Men”) has had lycopene for like, ever… and Centrum just added it. I mean, c’mon people… get with it. When you gonna pull your heads out of your asses and start eating glutamine shakes with your flax seed cereal and soy milk?! Sheesh. I mean, if it wasn’t for all the Viagra and Phen-Phen knockoff wonder-drugs they sell, you could almost mistake them for a real store. I’m happy with my vitamins though, and I can already see through walls.. so they must work at least a little.

Dave out.

Also written on this day...

• a bitter elixir for the aged - 2009
• whoofin' on cheeba - 2006
• a hardcore caveman - 2005