I know, I’ve written this theme to death.
I have a hang-up, maybe my over-arching, foremost hang-up. around “finishing.” Being completely done with a thing, so that the next thing can begin. Marking time by the doing-and-finishing of these things, and, maybe worst – serializing other things behind the current yet-undone, thing. I miss things because I’m too focused on finishing things.
What’s more, my imaginary finish lines are often based on nonsensical or arbitrary criteria. What’s even more, I find that, most times, I’m fairly unprepared for what’s next when I do satisfy those imaginary completion criteria. What’s even even more, sometimes that lack of preparedness is accompanied by disappointment or even a sense of loss.
So let’s review then: I get hyper-focused on getting-done. Buuuut, both the “things” I’m obsessed with getting done, and the success criteria for getting them done, are wholly made-up constructs that mean nothing. This scheduling and need to be done is causing me to serialize experiences, and likely miss things or at least spread my focus disproportionally.
This is probably the thing about myself I most want to work on. In fact, I want to get it done by March and I already have the checklist that will tell me it’s complete. That was a joke. But, truly, I do want to work on this. I’m not sure how. I am going to do some research, ask people I love.
Peace.
Also written on this day...
- the abhorrent spinning of everything - 2011
- sun dried tomatoes - 2010
- give in to the nighttime - 2009
- thar she blows - 2008
- under the knife - 2005
- i remember - 2004