a milkshake from another girl’s yard

Bump, stumble, ouch!

The night before we left Florida, I fell down the stairs.

Not a couple stairs; I full-on tumbled down half of a staircase.  It was at my in-law’s place.  The bro-in-law and I were moving an air mattress from an upstairs bedroom to the living room downstairs; moving it fully inflated.  To get it around the corner at the top of the stairs I had to pull it as it had become wedged.  I’m standing on the stairs, pulling it, and my brother-in-law is at the top pushing.

When the thing finally popped free and came unstuck, all my pulling turned into falling backwards.  I took one small hop as I could to try and get a foot down, think I grabbed onto the handrail for a fleeting moment, but ultimately couldn’t stop gravity from doing her job.  I smacked onto the tile at the base of stairs, luckily taking the brunt of the fall on my left thigh.  After moving my hand and fingers to check for breaks, I just sat there under the air mattress laughing.

Falling down the stairs is scary, y’all.

If you, like us here at sounds familiar, live in the United States, you’re also bombarded daily with the fear-mongering, rubbernecking, witch-hunting, and outright un-professionalism of the “modern” media.  And if you’ve tuned it all all over the past few days, you’ve been treated to the newsworthy nugget that is Tiger Woods’ recent automobile accident.  Now, I don’t care about this any more than I cared about “balloon boy” or any other not-really-news story the media hypes unnecessarily… but this bit is funny to me, follow.

Amidst all the tabloids, including the major twenty-four hour news outlets included, speculating about Mr. Woods’ alleged indiscretions, he himself released a statement today on his webpage that was ultimately a public apology to his family.  In it, he uses the word “transgressions” to describe whatever “personal failings” led to this event and subsequent media frenzy.  It was well written, and nondescript enough to protect his family’s privacy while giving some chum to the media sharks.

Funny thing is, if you looked at Google’s search trends page yesterday, you’d note that, right alongside hot queries like “tiger woods affair pictures” and “tiger woods voicemail,” you’d have seen this comedy gem: “transgression definition.”

Ha.  Americans.  We love sordid affairs; just call them something simpler for us, OK?  Instead of apologizing for “transgressions,” how about saying you’re sorry for being “down with OPP ,” “steppin’ out,” “triflin’,” or maybe “getting a milkshake from another girl’s yard.”  Those are things the MTV generation can understand OK Mr. Oxford?  Kthxbai.


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