Sometimes, I like to think about how future discoveries in the fields of science, technology, and medicine might cause the brains of certain demographics to explode. Let me explain. We’ve all heard the research that a glass of wine a day or week or whatever can reduce the risk of heart disease or kidney cancer or something. The whole recent debate about the HPV vaccine has focused additional attention on these kind of findings where there exists a group of people for whom the data is at odds with their beliefset. While I ate lunch at my desk the other day, I tried to come up with a fun list of some other hypothetical brain-exploding advancements in human knowledge. Here’s what I got:
- In 2026, a medical research thinktank develops a complicated “genetic surgery” which can completely and permanently eradicate cancer from a sick person’s cells. However, only people whose brains are wired such that they are attracted to those of like gender have the necessary neuron-wiring and mental capacity to comprehend the procedure and successfully perform the operation. Fundie and homophobe brains explode.
- In 2014, university boffins reveal indisputable proof that having only one sexual partner in a lifetime puts a person at an 75% greater risk of developing Alzheimer’s in old age. Chaste brains explode
- In 2057, a team of geologists discover that, as a side-effect of the total abandonment fossil fuels after the fuel-cell conversion, the huge buildup of unused crude oil under the surface of the earth is releasing an undetectable gas which is inexplicably killing all humankind of non middle-eastern descent. Treehugger brains explode.
- In 2029 medical science isolates a unique antibody which effectively fights and kills the HIV virus, but the only people from which this antibody can be harvested and subsequently mass produced for medical application are women who’ve, at one point in their lives, had an abortion. Pro-life brains explode.
- By 2061, it becomes clearly evident that humans that are a product of mixed-race relationships are genetically superior to those of single-race procreation. They are more disease resistant, stronger, and are very obviously evolving faster and more successfully. Racist brains explode.
Goodnight lovers.
Also written on this day...
- to work then - 2023
- getting right - 2010
- going up the country - 2009
- my lungs hurt - 2005
- - 2004
- on the boardwalk - 2003