newborn year

The internet has sprung a leak.
2005. 1st post.

Friday I watched Garden State again, for the sake of Ben and Pat, not because I’d fallen in love with Natalie Portman’s character… absolutely not. For some reason I identify a lot with the movie, even though I’ve never been on anti-depressants, killed my mom, or done lines off a urinal… I think I identify with some underlying sentiment or something. Some kid (can I still think of myself as a kid?) trying to find something. Not me now, or anything, but maybe a me back in the day. Skipping college to drive to a playground by the river and swing on the swings. The place was empty. We swung on the swings while songs from Mellon Collie played in my head. Each time I swung to the top, I wanted to keep to jump off and fly away. Then we stopped, and I decided to get a tattoo. I’d had the intended design in my wallet ever since wasting a day at my drafting table once back in high school… so it seemed as good a time as any.

I guess, even though the Pumpkins and I had a “falling out,” and I kinda gave up on their music… three of their albums were huge to me at the time. I can remember listening to Siamese Dream in Andy’s room sometime in 10th grade. I played that album to death… driving down the river road back home. Then, Mellon Collie came out during my first year of college. Sharaun and I were apart for 8mos… and that album was prominent during that swirly-emotional period where incidents like picking up the daughter of a mother and father team of long-haul truckers at the Books-A-Million or, while trying to find a place on the road to pull over and have sex with a girl, stopping at a public park I only remembered because I’d been there in high school hunting psychedelic mushrooms on a nearby farmer’s land, just served to reinforce the fact that I wasn’t with Sharaun. Then, parts I and II of Machina (although I’d pretty much given up on them) helped me through my first mind-numbingly boring month at my post-college career by giving me something to read and a new interest.

Jeez… I know that was a syntactically complex paragraph, but I don’t really know how to rewrite it so it’s more clear. Good thing it’s Monday now as I write, and I care no longer about the coherency of old-and-busted, led-by-emotion writing. Guess that means it’s time to get back to the more practical “what I’m doing” style.

I’m sitting here, my last day off before returning to work. While I’d much rather sit around and not go to work, there is a pile of stuff calling me back to the cubicle. It’s going to be an interesting 1st couple of months I think. I’ll be “working from home” for a bit this week and next, since Sharaun goes in for surgery on Friday. Then I’ve got some travel tentatively planned for the first quarter of ’05. I feel like I really let things fester a bit over this vacation, but then I feel torn for feeling that way – since I have a deep belief that a “vacation” should be a true respite, a complete disconnect, from work. There are any number of loose ends I could have chosen to tie up with my free time this past couple of weeks, but I instead chose to watch the Twilight Zone marathon or take a nap. I promised myself that I’d play a little catch-up today… and in fact that’s why I’m here on the computer right now… writing this entry… not catching up at all. Maybe it’s the rain.

Listening to the new Decemberists album, which, while leaked on the 18th, isn’t set to see release until the end of March. I kinda felt bad reading Mr. Meloy’s response to news of the promo leak while actually listening to the album, a full three-and-a-half months in advance (apparently they even know who leaked it?). But my love of the band, and curiosity about the new material, once again drove me to listen. I held off on forming an opinion upon a single hearing… at least anything other than, “Yup, sounds like the Decemberists.” I’m about four times through it now, and happy to say it’s getting better with each spin. And, as always, to appease my conscience (which seems to be growing ever more virtuous with age), I’ll purchase the album at the next show. Sheesh, no more pirate warez on my box, no more P2P sharing (as if one-way downloads are any better), and no more beating up the aged. What’s happened to the callous badassness of my youth? Spoonfeed me applesauce and be done with it.

Afternoon folks… more tomorrow if you’re lucky.

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