through the years

Time travel is lonely.
Trying to remember one key thing from each grade of my pre-college life. Here is what I can remember, or at least – which events came to mind right off the bat when thinking back on each grade.

First grade. This one’s easy, I put a rock in my ear and it stayed there for a long time. You can read the whole story here.

Second grade. Shane and I stole some chalk from Mrs. Klein’s chalk tray, and drew a naked woman on the blacktop during recess. We didn’t know quite how to depict the female genitalia, so we asked a passing girl “How do you draw a pussy?” She just told us to put a big capital ‘W’ with some hair around it. Oh man did we get busted. As the janitor escorted us up to the principle’s office, I remember him saying “If you were my kids, I’d beat your ass.” What I wanna know is, how did that girl know?

Third grade. I think this is the year I started out going to a different “gifted” school. I hated that school, plus I had to take the bus to get there. I was back at my normal (for Montessori, anyway) school in under a month. Oh, and Beth someone-or-other kicked me in the nuts one morning outside the classroom.

Fourth grade. A girl at school we all made fun of for looking like a boy wasn’t there one day. Word came down that she and her brother had been playing that weekend and he had hit his head on the corner of the coffee table and died. When she came back to school she wore all black the first day, probably one of the first days she hadn’t been made fun of in a while. Kinda changed my mind about teasing people. Our group won the game “Gold Rush,” which learned us about the California gold rush. We took our booty, a full bag of Rolos. Sarah Bean had an epileptic seizure in class and bit Mrs. Forinash’s hand as she tried to keep her own tongue from choking her.

Fifth grade. We got robbed, I had my first real “best friend,” and I moved to FL.

Sixth grade. New kid in school. Wore all the wrong clothes and liked the wrong things. Punched Ricky because he took too long at the drinking fountain. Failed Algebra and got moved into “Math 3.” Math 3? This kids so dumb we’ll send him through “math” for a third time? maybe that’ll get it into his head. Met Sharaun.

Seventh grade. Got all my clothes from Ron Jon’s, now I was cool. Learned to shoplift. Punched Vic because he tried to take my candy. Discovered the Beatles.

Eighth grade. Met Kyle. Discovered Led Zeppelin and threw away all my clothes from Ron Jon’s, now I was a anti-cool. Fell in love with Kyle’s sister – to this day not much has made my heart jump as much as reading the coded letters we snuck to each other between classes. I can remember feeling like the world was mine when she wrote in code “I love you.” Started dating Robin and had my first kiss.

Ninth grade. Took Angel’s Trumpet. Broke up with Robin, got back together with Robin, cheated on Robin, broke up with Robin. Learned to drive. Smoked marijuana for the first time. Drank beer for the first time.

Tenth grade. Decided I wanted to date Sharaun. Saw my first indie show: Poster Children and L7. Made prank phone calls. Threw my first keg party while my family was in Washington DC, how the eff did we get a keg in 10th grade anyway? Lost my virginity. Started dating Sharaun.

Eleventh grade. Sharaun.

Twelfth grade. Started going to church, accepted my Lord and Savior and was baptized to receive the Holy Spirit. Yeah, for real. Got suspended for beating up a kid who pushed Sharaun. Cheated on Sharaun. Won a cruise to the Bahamas.

Looks like we can save about $400/mo by refinancing the house right now. The neighbor across the street just sold his place at $245/sqft – which is awesome for us. Bring on the savings.. I’m totally ready. Until tomorrow, Dave out.

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