what godless monster?

Monday and we’re off to Portland later this week.  Wrote this entry way back on Thursday last week.  Here goes.

I thought I’d written before about how they give us free fruit at work, but I couldn’t find where.

In the café downstairs there’s this large table under a big reddish market umbrella with four or five baskets heaped with fruit. The umbrella really serves no purpose other than atmosphere, I believe, and it’s high enough that I don’t have to duck to get to the fruit so it’s fine. There’s typically a different type of fruit in each basket, with some that are almost nearly always there and some that rotate through more unevenly. There are always, for example, bananas and apples. And there are nearly always some kind of orange or tangerine or the like. Sometimes there are pears or plums or something more exotic. Like I said, there are always bananas. In fact, they have trouble keeping enough bananas.

From my non-scientific study of the free fruit table, I’ve decided that bananas are far and away the most popular fruit item. It’s always the first basket to go empty in the morning, and it’s often refilled and emptied again before lunch. And then it’s over. I have a theory that they only fill it twice a day and that’s it. That accounts for two big boxes of bananas unloaded onto the table, I’ve seen them doing it. Maybe even free fruit has limits. Thing is, if you prefer the bananas – and who doesn’t, they are my entire breakfast all the working week – you have to make sure you get one early enough or you’ll be out of luck. Sometimes you can even get there too early, and they haven’t even stocked the banana basket yet. Oh there’ll be all sorts of other fruits out, but the banana basket will sit empty. It’s always a gamble with the bananas.

I suppose this is because they are just about the perfect fruit. Come in their own wrapping, aren’t messy, not too sweet, perfectly portioned. What the heck kind of Godless monster wouldn’t like a banana? We’re only supposed to be allowed one piece of free fruit each day, but on Mondays and Tuesdays I actually always take two bananas. I’ll tell you why. Oftentimes the are still green and pretty inedible. I take two and let them ripen on my desk for a day. I’m always a day behind on the banana I’m eating, and a day ahead on the bananas I’m taking. This way, come Wednesday I only have to take one and on Thursday and Friday I don’t even have to grab a banana because Wednesday’s or Thursday’s is now nicely ripened back up at my desk. It’s a system. I have a banana system. I figure it works out to one a day anyway, really. Five days and five bananas so I’m within the rules. May not look that way as I walk to my desk with two in-hand Monday and Tuesday, but I’m on the up and up.

Sometimes I mess up though and end up with an extra banana still ripening at my desk on Friday afternoon. I always feel guilty about this, but I don’t permit myself to take the leftover banana home. Somehow that would be stealing. That said, don’t think I’ll let you take this opportunity to challenge me on what I consider stealing and what I don’t. I’m very well aware of the discrepancies between my banana dilemma and my file-sharing habits and I know a day of reckoning is coming for the latter. As soon as Keaton asks me how I get all my new music, and I’m forced to attempt an explanation. I know it’s a day coming. Extra bananas though, those prick my conscience. So I leave them over the weekend. Although this may do for a rather soft brown banana on Monday, but it’s worth it to stay within the law.


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3 Replies to “what godless monster?”

  1. i would think a savvy corporate gig like yours would do a cost benefit analysis and instead of denying the refill on the bananas (seriously, the cheapest fruit evah) they would stop stocking so much of the other “exotic” types of fruit. i mean really, if the plebs want fishsticks, stop buying them caviar.

  2. Your husband’s job sounds kinda rad Kelli… I wish I could go “scout wind sites and such.” Instead I’ll go sit in a gray cube and type, but in Portland. Hooray!

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