Yesterday I saw a commercial for these new “hip-hop” dolls. Yeah, “hip-hop” dolls. Anyway, the dolls are called “Flavas” (which, according to the website is “pronounced FLAY-vuhz”). The commercial had me laughing so hard. There are these dolls, being posed around by some kids’ hands, with some drum machine laying down phat beats in the background. They even have a “Flava-mobile” that’s all tricked out and stuff. They have two kinds of outfits: street and sport. With names like “Happy D,” “Tre,” “P. Bo,” “Tika,” “Liam,” and “Kiyoni Brown,” flashing across the screen in an awesome “spraypaint” font – I was cracking up. The best part of the whole commercial was at the end though, when one of the dolls (I think it must have been Happy D) threw her hands up and back towards her neck in a classic Flava Flav move. Oh man, I was rollin’. Anyway, I guess they are trying to compete with those Bratz dolls or something. Just the description on the Mattel website it good for a giggle if you ask me. (By the way, Liam and Kiyoni Brown are my favorites.)
Kids’ toys suck nowadays. Even the new He Man and Transformers are utter crap. And what’s with kids’ cartoons these days? All that DigiPokeYugi crap? Kids don’t know how bad they have it. On a tangent, am I the only dude alive who can’t stand anime? I mean, I hate that crap… bad. Cartoon Network plays way too much of the stuff, I wish I had Boomerang so I could watch the real classics like Yogi Bear, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Danger Mouse, etc.
But back to the plight of today’s youth… poor children. Everything they watch is Japanese monsters or robots, fighting in midair with lightning and lines of force accentuating the stupidness of their Matrixy battle. Oh, and don’t forget – you can play along in true Dungeons and Dragons style with some dumbass trading cards. Ugh. No thanks. Give me Cobra Command Center, Castle Greyskull, Liono’s Battle Tank, and some of those “crack-up” Hot Wheels that get “dented” when I throw them at the wall. You can keep your three-magic four-attack Charizard… even a Gummi Bear would bounce his pansy ass to death in a few seconds.
Jeez, hope I didn’t come off as some kinda anti-Japanese curmudgeon in that last paragraph… that’s not what I was shooting for at all. Honest, I like Japanese people as much as any people, and I even respect their animation skillz – it just happens that the stuff they make sucks. I give ’em an A for effort though. Keep drawing guys, one day you’re bound to get it right.
OK, I don’t really have anything more to write. I’m actually surprised I even wrote as much as I did.
And once again, Dave is out.