of snakes and snaking


Good evening blog-readin’ crew. Let’s just get right into it today…

Today on the way home from work, Sharaun called me to say that “something was stinky” in the guest bathroom. “OK,” I thought… as she walked in there, live on the phone, to investigate. “Oh no!,” she exclaimed, striking fear into my heart. I demanded anxiously, “What?!, What is it?” “There’s all sorts of food and gross stuff filling the bathtub in here! It looks like the kale from dinner last night that I put down the garbage disposal.” “OK,” I said… “I’ll look at it when I get there…”

Being that I have relatively little experience with plumbing, I called a couple buddies in that last mile home to pass the situation by them. Both consulted that I had a clogged pipe somewhere, to which I replied, “Well duh,” and asked how I could figure out a little more. Anthony suggested I watch the sewer cleanout outside the house, while running water in various locations in the house, to see if I could get an idea where the blockage was. Doing this, I decided that the blockage was between the kitchen sink and guest bathroom, to which I replied, in soliloquy, “Well duh.”

So, I motored up to Home Depot to rent one of those electric drain-snakes. I brought it home and tried snaking from the kitchen sink back towards the bathroom first, which didn’t work. I then went into the bathroom, braving the stench of the bathtub full of festering mangled foodstuffs, removed the overflow/cleanout cover, and snaked down that drain. After sinking twenty or so feet into the pipe, giving the thing a good whirl every few feet to break loose any clogs, the stagnant bathtub gurgled and sputtered, and the nasty water slowly began draining. After verifying the drain was clear, I cleaned up the gross bathtub with some Comet and called it a successful do-it-myself home repair job.

Nothing makes a man feel like a man like successfully solving some household problem. Now I’m all testosteroned and ready to punch bulls and chew nails. Oh, and, speaking of feeling “male” and being all “testosteroned,” yesterday marked the first day of my “Enzyte Challenge.” As such, I want to explain a little more about how I intend this to work.

Progress will be judged on a visual basis, using a graphic along the lines of the image below. The first Dave is the baseline Dave, and his X and Y proportions are tied, via some magical and secret percentage-math, to my real-life measured “data.” Growth/change is measured in two dimensions, and mapped (via those known-only-to-me factors) to the X/Y dimensions on the images. In other words, any subsequent Daves will have grown in the X/Y dimensions by any actual “growth” experienced by me. Here, just have a look at what I’m talking about…

I know the image above isn’t quite aligned, I just roughed it in to show what you’ll be seeing. I’m fairly confident, though, that I’ll never have to make a “grown” Dave overlay… as I expect the net results of the experiment to be precisely null. Anyway, let’s have fun with it.

And, for anyone wondering, the first day on Enzyte did have some notable moments. A few hours after taking the pill, I experienced a heated sensation in my face and limbs, and a mild red flush and “tightness” in my cheeks. The one “side effect” the pill lists is “transient flushing and a feeling of warmth,” both from the niacin contained, so I’m fairly certain that my experience was pill-caused. Finally, late last night I experienced this same warm feeling, but this time centralized in my nether-regions. Interesting… but without any hard data I’m not making any claims (pun half-intended).

Goodnight.


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