For some reason, this seemed like a good thing to do today. Eleven years of Thanksgiving-time writing, from 1995 to last year. Cobbled together from pre-blog journals, and post-journal blogs. Random, but perhaps interesting...
Turkey Day!! I've been listening to the Rascals a lot, Animals too. But The Beatles' Anthology Volume One came out Tuesday - I've been hitting that pretty hard. I guess the album of the moment though is JJ Cale's Naturally; it's freakin' awesome. Much props and nuff spect to Bob for that one.
Joey and I went back to Astro yesterday - we pried the manhole cover off and actually descended into the chamber of doom. We took a large magic marker and wrote our own coded messages on the wall. I wrote "the chamber of doom has been breached." Then over the proper entrance to the tunnels, I wrote "we now rule the underworld" and left first and last initials for he, Kyle, and I. Pretty cool it was.
I'm listening to the Beatles' rooftop concert now. Guess I'm kinda bored since I'm sitting here writing on this computer. I wish there was something to do ya know? I saw the movie Clerks last night and it was pretty good. Christmas will be here soon, my B-day even sooner - 19 whole years of life, and lots of information swimming around up there ya know. One day I swear I'll be pretty smart. Maybe not. Someone's at the door - I guess I might have to go when they walk in here.
is a lunafoil
and his hands are
It hurts to grip a pencil
And stings to crack his knuckles
His bones are tired and heavy
And his skin is dry and warm
His feet fit well in his own shoes
And his long shirt hangs limp
Woke up late today and had to rush out to class. Only come to find out that we have some quiz that I didn't even know about. Needless to say, I didn't do very well. This Physics class is really bringing me down - I just can't get it. I just pray that I get at least a C in there so I don't have to take the whole God-forsaken class over again next semester, that could screw everything up.
I am going home tomorrow again to work for Frank the funnel cake man. Wheee! I love work in the food business. Owell, it's $100 and boy do I need it. I wish I could win the lottery, I'd keep going to school for the education sake of it, but I wouldn't be as pressured. My finances would be set for life, no more worry. The whole money thing really sucks. I mean, I know there's no other way to do it. You have to have some sort of economy, but I don't understand how it works. How can our money be backed by gold, why is gold so special anyway? What makes it so valuable. I guess it's the same unknown force that can make some words "bad." Arbitrary choice is what I call it. Okay, maybe the scarcity of gold plays a role, but still - who cares. Dinosaur eggs are pretty rare too - why not back our money with those?
I mean, whose to say that this money is actually worth something? It's all just paper. If someone who had no concept of money was offered a $500 bill, they'd say "What do I want with paper?" "But, it's backed up with valuable gold sir." "What's gold, I don't care, give me food or shelter or love, something I can really use, you know? What do I want with a shiny metal or green paper, they won't sustain my life." Ahhh, but without them you can't get shelter or food. That's the catch.
So, I can understand the need for money and economy - I just wish it didn't govern my life so much. I mean, why am I really in college right now? Because I have a passion for learning and love to go to school?, not really - although I do like to learn. But the reality is that I am in college because I need a degree to get a job, I need a job to get money, which I need to live. I guess it's a valid argument to say that you really don't need money to live, you can always live without money, there's plenty of ways. But those are the ways of a man in the mountains who traps and makes all his own food, has no electricity, and lives like a pioneer.
Maybe that's why I am drawn to that lifestyle, not the full-on pioneer life, but a happy mix of mine and theirs. You know, a mountain cabin, but with electricity so I can have lights, television, and computer. Just enough amenities to live comfortably. I wish that I could just be retired but not old. Have some money to live off of that I never worked for. Man, the lottery would be great. Almost time to head back to school.
Well, the once a month entries continue - not by choice, it’s school clamping down on me again. It’s now the day before I go home for Thanksgiving, which means to me that in my head, the holiday season I love so much has begun. I am now reading Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series. I am about 600 pages into the first book, and there are eight of them. It’ll be neat to see when I actually finish the whole thing. And he’s still writing. I can’t wait until Christmas, but then again when can I ever? I think I am going to fare pretty well in my classes this semester. Hopefully. Owell, I think I am going to go now - gotta get busy doing nothing.
Nothing much going on. I had my annual winter cold last weekend, it was a bad one too. I am just now beginning to feel better. I’m about to head out to the library and get some Operating Systems studied up. The test is tomorrow morning, and I really need to do well on it – although not as well as I need to do on the next Networking exam. Man – this school thing is going to be the death of me.
Listening to the new Counting Crows album, it came out yesterday – it’s pretty darn good, but I still have to get used to it before I flip out over it. Got a new modem for my computer, and I’ll get around to installing it when I have some free time. Frank moved out of the house back home – the parents are happy I guess. I can’t wait to be married and settle down. I am ready to start something of my own, a life, a family. I can’t wait. I hope that this operating systems test goes alright.
I know that these entries are so dull, I have nothing really to write about beside school. That’s all I do and think about. This thing will definitely be shut down after school.
Right now I have taken two cash advances in less than a month, just to pay bills. I am paying bills with bills, and that’s not good. What happens if I max out my last credit card going to Florida and then have nothing to fall back on in case of emergency, or if I need to take one last cash advance to get us through January.
The money situation is really getting to me. I feel like a failure to Sharaun, and I have some guilt about the amount of debt we have. Talking to other grads at work and realizing that they have similar debts and money issues makes me feel better. And everyone keeps telling me that the first couple years starting out are really hard. But, I don’t want to be paying on my school loans right up until I retire – that’s ridiculous. I want to be out from under all this debt in a reasonable amount of time.
It’s the apartment rent that’s killing us now, along with the fact that work for Sharaun is slow and sparse at best. Half days here, full days less often – and just not enough extra income coming in right now. It’s not even really that, there is enough money – but there are also things in these next few months that are taking more than normal. Car downpayments, school loan payments starting, etc. I keep replying on MS Money’s cash forecast, saying that things will begin to go better after January. It sucks that our roughest month is the one month where it’s nice to have extra cash for gifts. But, whatever – we still have food to eat and a warm place to sleep – so what am I complaining about.
So now I’m just waiting for a conference call to begin, supposed to be getting some pick up work on somebody’s project. Whatever, I’m just glad to have something to do – I hope there’s a chance for some recognition with this work, whatever it is. I just want to start making a professional as well as personal impression on people. I have already established myself as a funny and friendly guy – now I need to put out the dual image of that guy doubled with a great worker. Then I can get my name out there and start on my path to riches!
Well, that’s enough for now – the phone should ring any minute...
Thanksgiving was great!! We went to the a lodge in the mountains. It was almost like being at an “inn” from the Wheel of Time series that I am reading (again). We spent a lot of time relaxing, reading by the fire, watching the snow fall, etc. It was a blast. It was so gorgeous out there. Now I’m back at work, and just waiting until the next big vacation: Christmas. Then I have almost two weeks of off-time, not that my current on-time is all that taxing that I need some off-time, but whatever. We did all our Christmas shopping yesterday, and it’s been really Christmas-ey feeling lately. We’ve had a fire the past two nights, it’s been chilly enough.
Sharaun’s new job starts in January, and the money should start nearly doubling each month. That will be the biggest development since we’ve been here. Finally, enough money to pay off the last credit card, and then start sacking some away for a possible house downpayment, and start chipping away at the school loans. Right now, we’re set fine until Christmas, since I pulled out of our stock plan at work, and we got that check plus the extra each paycheck. So, once her money starts coming in, I can re-enroll in the stock plan and maybe even start putting the full into both retirement plans again. I really want to do that, and as soon as possible too. I have been too long out of them.
Ever since I removed this thing from the work PC, I haven’t really written. Much, much, has happened. And I even think I lost an entry due some strange overwriting that may have gone on between this local file and the one on the server.
Anyway. So much. My boss got fired. One of my best friends is getting a divorce. Another, less-close, got an a car accident and nearly died; drunk. We took a limo to see Rent in San Francisco. Sharaun learned today her job is gone next year, so it’s back to the hand-pressing for her. Too much, way too much to write in detail about. I’ll let that serve enough, mostly because I’ve been through it all so many times in my head and out of my mouth, that I’m sick of talking about it all.
Right now I’m feeling depressed. I’m feeling removed, lonely or something. Sharaun is at a late-night soccer game, I stayed here. I guess part of the feeling I have right now is almost guilt. Over what, I don’t know. But I’m sure it’s guilt. I was driving home, thinking about how I’m sometimes proud at how well I roll with the punches, and also how sometimes I think I shouldn’t “roll” so easily. Sometimes I almost think I’m removed from things too much. I mean, I like to think that I just don’t let things I can’t change bother me. But maybe it’s more than that, maybe I just am too separated from it all. I kinda know what I wanna say here, but not really. It’s more rambling. It’s not like I’m a cyborg without feelings, but sometimes I’m very cleverly removed from experiencing things in the “conventional” way. I have this buffer zone or something, which I feel is somewhat admirable and somewhat questionably detestable. Or something.
Oh, and, oddly enough, I'm still trying to finish the Wheel of Time series...