Friday! Friday! Friday! I feel like I deserve a beer tonight. For a week well-done or something. Yeah, or something, I need a beer for "or something."
Slow week in the writing department, breakneck week in the working department to blame. Pulling late nights every night so far, becoming all too accustomed to coming home from work, relaxing, computerless, for an hour or so while I eat dinner, and then hopping right back online to do this and that. I'll tell you what, as brutal and unceasing as it's been - I really do feed off it. Somewhere deep down, I find a perverse enjoyment in feeling important - the age-old sin of pride festering right in my puffed-up chest. My mouth complains about working long hours half because I don't like it and half because I want others to hear it. I'm just a braggart at heart... someone who's trying to avoid letting the fact that he's got a big head show outwardly. Always feigning humility, I hope it works. But really y'all, isn't "feigning" just a precondition for humility? It's a conscious thing, not an inborn one. So, while I do hate it, I do love it. Figure that one out.
If you keep up with my travels... you may recall that I was supposed to be boarding a plane for Shanghai today, but I'm not. I canceled the trip. Sharaun's first real appointment at the baby-doctor is this coming Thursday, and they told us they'd be doing an ultrasound and listening to Lil' Chino's heartbeat. For a while, I was actually considering missing that. Can you believe that? Thinking about it now, I don't want to miss that for the world. I'm going to try and get a cellphone recording of the heartbeat while we're there - and knowing me it'll be online the next day. I remember when I was in middle school, I paid entirely too much for a still-sealed copy of John & Yoko's rare "Unfinished Music No. 2 : Life With the Lions" LP on the avant-garde Apple offshoot, Zapple. Since the music hadn't ever been issued on CD at the time, I simply couldn't resist the urge to completely ruin my investment by slicing through the 25 years old cellophane and putting the virgin plastic on the turntable for it's only spin while I recorded it to tape. The LP sucked; sucked bad. All John's whacked out Zapple stuff did. But there was one "song" that stuck with me. Called, appropriately, "Baby's Heartbeat," it was a recording of their (sadly later miscarried) baby's tiny heart swisha-woosha-swisha-wooshing blood through his tiny developing body. I thought it was fascinating. I wonder what I'll feel when I hear Lil' Chino's... part of me thinks I'll be stricken dumb with awe, while part of me thinks I'll take it in stride. Whichever it ends up being, I'm ultimate-glad that I chose to stay home for it.
It's 11pm now and I came back here to try and write another couple paragraphs, this sentence is as far as I got.