band together and masturbate on the enemy

You'll go blind.
Hey dudes, didja hear there’s some video of US soldiers masturbating onto Iraqi prisoners? That’s so cool. As a country, we should masturbate on more people I think. It just seems so logical and all. Oh, and we should take pictures of it. As Americans, we must band together and masturbate on the enemy – and don’t forget to shout “You got served!” as you finish up in their eyes. Fucking Neanderthals.

Man, I remember how mortified I was when I learned we were expected to take showers in Junior High gym class. As if my sports-challenged former self didn’t have enough problems, now I had to take showers with other dudes? Luckily, I wasn’t the only one who had this fear. In the three years I was there, I don’t think I ever saw one single dude take a shower in that locker room. And some dudes needed a shower too, come 8th grade you can get pretty ripe after 40min of flag football.

Looking back now, the social shower doesn’t seem so strange. I mean, I’ve been in several same-sex communal showering situations since – and they don’t bother me much anymore. I still, however, don’t like those “rotary” urinal things. I mean, the trough urinal is bad enough – but a circular one where I’m peeing directly across from a bunch of other dudes peeing? No thanks. If you’re gonna see my goods, it’s gonna be because I had too much beer and am the sole participant in a game of “strip Dance Dance Revolution.” Yeah, for real. With video too. I can never hold public office.

Dave out.


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